Breakeven

One still in love while the other one's leavin'
I'm falling to pieces
Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't break even
Breakeven - The Script


So, if I've learned anything about myself in the last few months, it's that I have a horrible tendency to believe that everyone is as genuine as they make themselves seem. Which winds up getting me hurt most of the time. The lyrics above are obviously talking about a romantic relationship, but think about it: Have you ever had a friendship in which you are sure that you care about the other person much more than they care about you? I'm sure you have. It a really unsettling thing to think about.


We're supposed to treat others they way we expect to be treated, but it gets hard to do that when the same respect isn't shown to us. I know that I am a very loyal person and will put myself out there for my friends at the drop of a hat. (By the way, that's not a something I'm boasting about, it's just something I know to be true). I just don't understand the thought process of those that claim to be a "true friend", but they will be no where to be seen when times get hard. It's difficult to think that you'd be willing to take a bullet for someone and that they'd wouldn't even be there to comfort you after a bad day.


A true friend is someone that is there 24/7. No matter if you're at the lowest point in your life or if you're floating on cloud 9,    Not someone that will be there when you're happy and leave you hanging when you're upset.


Just some ramblings. I've recently reconnected with one of my truest friends, which made me very happy. I know for sure she'll be there, no matter what :)

Tears Don't Fall

Would you hear me if I called your name?

Would you hold me if you knew my shame?

There's always something different going wrong.

The path I walk is in the wrong direction.

Tears Don't Fall - Bullet For My Valentine

So, this is my first blog post. I'm sure everyone starts their first blog off a little nervous and unsure what to say...but, I've found a new confidence in myself by even deciding to create a blog and reveal the thoughts I consider private and maybe a little embarrassing.

I've never been a confident person, which is one of my many flaws. I put up a tough and sarcastic exterior to protect myself from having to understand the inner workings of my own mind and emotions. "Just act ok, and you'll be ok." That's been my motto for years.

The "No really, I'm fine" era in my life needs to come to an end.

So,with this blog, I'll start to admit to myself, and the world (or whoever has enough patience to read my ramblings), the things I've opened my eyes to in the last seven or eight months. The person I truly am is finally surfacing.

Its kind of scary, if not terrifying, to realize you may not be the person you tried to trick yourself into being.